I’m still trying to take things easy on myself — a practice I don’t think I’ll ever quite master — but I still can’t help but focus on my progress nevertheless. And my progress lately has not been quite as progressive as I might like it to be. Mostly I’ve been working on things that are only tangentially related to the projects I’m trying to make progress on. Like WIP covers for Wilderlands.

I still can’t decide which font I like most.

What I should be working on, or rather, what I wish I was working on, is the beginning of developmental edits for Book Two of Wilderlands. See, when I wrote my original draft, books one and two were one book, so I’ve already got a rough draft of book two written. But between the changes I made to book two and the plot pieces of book two that need tweaking, it needs a lot of work. And I’ve been struggling to get myself to start. Even though it’s actually the middle of my current project, it feels like I’m starting the whole thing over again. And my brain isn’t a fan.

I know, best practices would say focus on book one and getting that right and leave book two for later. The trouble is, there are still a lot of bigger picture questions with this story that I don’t have quite worked out yet. And so there are areas of book one where I know I need to change or improve things, but I can’t do that because I don’t know what they need to look like. I want to at least get my developmental edits for book two structured because it might help me getting a better grip on the full story, which will then allow me to improve book one more.

And it may come as no surprise to everyone who just read that previous paragraph that I’m struggling to keep working on this due to the sheer size of the project. Series have always been unwieldy things to me because my brain doesn’t buy into stories that are neat or tidy. Nothing ever seems to find an end, the stories just keep going. Because life just keeps going. So I’m really fighting myself with this series, trying to wrestle it into a shape that’s acceptable to the traditional publishing community.

Which is right about the time that my self-doubt kicks in. Because it does feel like I’m just never going to find acceptance in traditional publishing, despite it being a long-time dream of mine. I worry that I will never make myself fit into it. And I worry that that means that my stories will never be read or appreciated in the way that I want them to.

So the other thing I’ve been doing lately is reading books by authors I admire that don’t fit your typical traditional publishing styles. Specifically, Terry Pratchett. One of the most prolific writers the English language knows and one of the most popular. (Doesn’t hurt that he famously talked about having a goal of daily writing that was only 400 words.)

His books rarely fit the typical mold, and maybe that’s because he started writing at a different time when the publishing industry was different. Or maybe he “earned” the right to not fit the mold by being so successful. Regardless of what excuse my brain comes up with, the fact is, he did it, which means there’s a chance I can too!

So, I’m going to keep working on what I can when I can, and leave the future to the future.

And guess what? I actually managed to start working on those edits today! First steps. Tiny steps. But steps nonetheless!