Another month, another reclaimed snippet. We’ve reached the part of my novel where I’m making some pretty significant changes to the course of events, and I’m really excited about where it’s going.

In the snippet below, I had my rebel spy, Leaf, explicitly asking my main character, Willow, to help them search for an artifact that they wanted to use against the Coven. I was never super happy about how this section was framed, and felt like the motivations were quite aligned with the characters’ actions.

In the rewrite, I’ve not only found a good way to reinforce the why behind each character’s actions, but I’ve also eased Willow’s introduction to life as a spy from “help us find this artifact,” to “keep an ear to the ground for us,” which makes it feel less out of character when she agrees.

The one thing I have really dialed back is the in-your-face aspect of Willow’s growing crush on Leaf. In this snippet, you can see I really had to push that crush to help explain why she was willing to go so far for them, while in the new edit, her growing feelings are wrapped up in her confusion about who to trust, which feels lot more real to me.

Leaf stared at her so long she began to wonder if all this showed on her face. Finally, they said, “There’s something we’re looking for. A very old book. We have reason to believe it’s here, but none of our . . . usual informants have been able to uncover anything. I thought perhaps you, as a student, might gain access to places they cannot.”

“You want me to find a book?” Willow had to admit this was far from what she’d been expecting. “There are dozens from the Lost Age in the library. Just tell me what it’s about.”

Leaf shook their head. “It could well be in the library but it’s not one of the Lost Age books you’re refering to. It would be handwritten and unassuming, like a journal. There isn’t much I can tell you much about its contents. Only that it’s very important to the Coven. They wouldn’t just leave it lying about.”

Willow thought of the glass display case she’d seen in the library. It had some of the oldest books she’d ever seen. She’d never taken the time to look at them closely, but they were clearly important. It would be as good a place to start as any. 

She nodded.

They weren’t done though. “If you do find the book, I don’t want you to do anything with it. I don’t want you getting in trouble. Just let me know what you find and we’ll take it from there.”

Show me what you find. Not Burl or anyone else. 

Willow’s stomach warmed. She liked the sound of that.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Leaf asked, face serious. “I can’t tell you how they might respond if they find out what you’re doing. It could be dangerous. I won’t hold it against you if you say no.”

There was no way she was saying no. Not when it meant getting to talk to them more. Not with the way it made her feel warm and fuzzy to be important to them. But she hadn’t forgotten her own favor either.

“If I help you find this book, would you teach me?”

Surprise showed clear on Leaf’s face, and it seemed like their first instinct was to object, so she pushed forward before they could. 

“We could meet here at night. No one would notice. It’s always deserted. Everything just makes so much more sense when you teach me. And—” She paused, considering how she might win them over. “I need to find a way to improve fast or the Matron might decide I’m not worth keeping around.”

Then how will I find your book? 

This last part she didn’t say out loud, but she knew it was implied.

Silence hung heavy between them for a few moments and Willow wanted to fill it, but she could see that Leaf was considering her words, so she waited. 

After a long, tense moment, they huffed out a breath to themself and said, “I can’t believe I’m even considering this.”

Willow broke into a wide smile, which they matched with a serious look.

“If we do this,” they stressed. “We can’t meet here. It isn’t safe.”

“Wh—? But where then?” Willow tripped. 

Where else could they meet? It’s not like she could just wander off campus whenever she wanted to.

Leaf deliberated a moment before responding. 

“I know a place. Leave that to me.” Their words left no room for discussion. 

“Oookay,” she breathed slowly. “When will I see you again?” She hated how desperate she sounded.

Leaf smiled at her softly. “I’ll be in touch soon. You just focus on finding that book.”

With a final nod, they slipped as soundlessly back into the shadows as they appeared. Willow watched them go with a wistful expression, unaware of the grin that grew across her face.